Captain crock

Looking for another reason to question Emile Heskey’s presence in South Africa? Look no further. Last week, the goal-a-phobic frontman was involved in a training ground tackle which damaged Rio Ferdinand’s knee ligaments and saw the centre back swiftly demoted from ‘Captain Fantastic’ to ‘That Man In The Corner Looking Annoyed’. With Rio out, morale in the England camp is dangerously low. And Heskey emerging unscathed probably hasn’t helped matters…