Hola! Iz-a Rafa Benitez 'ere and hwonce hagain, I hwanna talk about facts!
Now, iz-a fact that I still have no job and I am a-still looking for a qwality cloob to manage, but today iz-a all about Transfer Deadline Day facts, because iz important, no?
Listen carefully - especially you, Mr Ferguson - because 'ere are my deadline day facts!
His Royal Whiteness
Transfer Deadline Day is celebrated to mark the birth of Sky Sports News presenter Jim White, who is the only person other than The Queen to have two birthdays. Rafa says: "This iz-a fact!"
Blue In The Face
The first recorded Deadline Day fatality came in 2002, when a Birmingham City fan collapsed from excitement after the Blues announced a double swoop, signing Stephen Clemence in a £1.3m deal just hours after capturing Jamie Clapham from Ipswich. Rafa says: "This iz-a fact!"
Ashley Cole almost missed out on moving to Chelsea during the 2006 summer transfer window - due to Arsenal's insistence on paying him just £55,000-a-week, the England left-back was forced to travel to Stamford Bridge on a National Express coach, which broke down along the way. Rafa says: "This iz-a fact!"
On Transfer Deadline Day in 2009, Sky's Gary Cotterill used an emergency hammer to smash Harry Redknapp's car window, after it had jammed just seconds before a live interview on Sky Sports News. Rafa says: "This iz-a fact!"
Money Balls Up
Liverpool spent a fortune on Andy Carroll in January 2011 based entirely on the American 'Moneyball' theory, with Damien Comolli claiming that statistics proved the big Geordie would score a "sackful of home runs if he played baseball". Rafa says: "This iz-a fact!"
Over The Moon
Bryan Swanson's Sky Pad was originally developed by NASA, who invented it after Neil Armstrong complained that he would miss Transfer Deadline Day while he was on the Moon. Rafa says: "This iz-a fact!"
Fax A Lot!
Liverpool angered Fulham in 2012 when they accidentally sent a faxed bid for Clint Dempsey to Martin Jol's office telephone number, rather than his fax machine, forcing the Dutchman to hear a horrible screeching modem noise when he picked up the receiver. Rafa says: "This iz-a fact!"
The 'Transfer Window' is closed using key operated locks, for insurance purposes. Rafa says: "This iz-a fact!"
If you added up all the Transfer Deadline Day deals completed since time began, they would be twice the height of Nelson's Column, as long as five London double decker buses, which is equivalent to a country the size of Wales. Rafa says: "This iz-a fact!"
You're Not Gunner Believe This
Arsene Wenger is allergic to Transfer Deadline Day. Rafa says: "This iz-a fact!"